A Blonde goes to a barber and asks for a haircut. The barber asks her to take off her headphones, and she says she needs them and can't take them off. As he starts to cut her hair, she falls asleep in the chair. The barber can't cut her hair correctly with the earphones on, so he removes them, and after 30 seconds she drops dead. Startled by what's happened, he picks up the earphones to listen what it was and they said: "Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out..." ag

18 апреля 2009  |  Просмотров:  5872  |  Комментариев:  2    Подробнее...

- "This seal coat is fine. But will it stand rain?"
- "Madam, did you ever see a seal with an umbrella?" ap

18 апреля 2009  |  Просмотров:  3607  |   Пока без комментариев   Подробнее...

Английский анекдот

Однажды английский моряк прислал своей матери в подарок фунт чаю. Мать, желая угостить соседей изысканным заморским блюдом, сварила в кастрюльке весь фунт чаю одновременно и, слив горькую и, по её мнению, ненужную коричневую воду, разложила по тарелкам вываренные листья чая, приправив их сметаной ag

18 января 2009  |  Просмотров:  4880  |   Пока без комментариев   Подробнее...

- "I want some collars for my husband," said Mrs. Jones, "but I'm afraid I've forgotten the size."
- "Thirteen and a half, ma'am?" suggested the shop assistant.
- "That's it. How did you know?"
- "Men who let their wives buy collars for them are always about that size, ma'am," explained the observant salesman ag

11 декабря 2008  |  Просмотров:  3673  |   Пока без комментариев   Подробнее...

We Wish You a Happy Halogen

We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
To react with a metal.

Good acid we bring
to you and your base.
We wish you a merry molecule
and a happy halogen. ap

10 июля 2008  |  Просмотров:  4784  |  Комментариев:  1    Подробнее...

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?" ce

8 июля 2008  |  Просмотров:  4341  |   Пока без комментариев   Подробнее...

Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:

1. A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved. cb
2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.
3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.
5. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.
6. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight. ca
7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
8. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.
9. The capacity of any hot water heater i s equal to one and one-half sibling showers.
10. What goes up must come down, except for bubble gum, kites and slightly used Rice Krispies.
11. Place two children in a room full of toys and they will both want to play with the same toy.ay

7 июля 2008  |  Просмотров:  4434  |   Пока без комментариев   Подробнее...

Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice? bj

Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? ag

Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient? bh

Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates? bm

Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls? ce

Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam? bi

4 июля 2008  |  Просмотров:  4796  |   Пока без комментариев   Подробнее...

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him." bn

1 июля 2008  |  Просмотров:  4962  |   Пока без комментариев   Подробнее...

An organization that makes men fear marriage
The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting.

It seems that in England, they had a men's club, Bachelors' Anonymous. It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage.

The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack. ap

28 июня 2008  |  Просмотров:  4690  |   Пока без комментариев   Подробнее...

Английский по Skype бесплатно